Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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