Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
