Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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