Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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