just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
