Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
