Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
