I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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