first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
