hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
