I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
