Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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