he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't make out with my wife yet
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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