When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
