it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
