ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
