I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
