Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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