my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
