New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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