i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
