You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
