he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
