I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
