Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
