NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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