Sry I called you an 8
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
