Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
