What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
