I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
