there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
