I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
