you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
