You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
