If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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