The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
