Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
