im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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