I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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