Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
