So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
