hotel room ftw
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
