I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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