so let's talk penis.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
