i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
