if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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