But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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