I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
