ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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