a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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