when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We are all done wearing pants today
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
