can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
