Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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