my phone needs a breathalizer
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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