He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
