i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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