If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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